This fall, I will be wrapping up my diploma in Sexualities, Marriages & Families placing me that much closer to becoming a certified clinical sexologist. To date, my absolute favourite course has been Dynamics of Dating. We explored intimate relationships in the western world from a modern-day perspective. Our textbook for the semester was comedian and actor Aziz Ansari’s book, Modern Romance. He dissects how singles navigate the realms of dating in today’s easy-access, digital culture. Boy, how the times have changed! In the sixties, more sex was had and people married based on proximity and resources, rather than social status and artificial appearance. To be quite frank, dating today is an absolute dumpster fire, and there are so many reasons why we’re all getting burned.

1. Thinking Too Much

One thing I consistently found myself telling potential partners in the past was “to say what you feel” because they were always so calculated. You’re not supposed to tell the other person you like or love them too soon because then you lose the upper hand, don’t respond too quickly – match the speed of their replies, because you don’t want to come off as too eager or desperate. Texting a love interest shouldn’t feel like rocket science, there should be fluidity and honesty. Why complicate it?

2. Soulmate Complex

Humans are imperfect and flawed, so expecting someone to complete you and be your everything is unrealistic. This concept also places an extreme amount of pressure on not only potential partners but yourself. The second they stumble off the pedestal you’ve placed them on, you wind up disappointed. Media has fed us all this idea that relationships are supposed to resemble fairy tales, but what we forget is that every fairy tale still has conflict. Certified intimacy expert Shan Boodram sums it up perfectly with the 1 plus 1 equals 3 theory. She states that when two individuals come together, they create a completely separate third relationship, and even after it ends, you are still whole. This insatiable need for a soulmate or your better half will lead you on a search for something that will never be found.

3. Accessibility & Sex

Thanks to social media and dating apps, the baddies are visible in abundance, left, right, and center and if you don’t want to give it up too soon, there’s someone else one swift swipe or slide away who will. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping with someone on the first date, but for those who wish to wait, it can be difficult to build a genuine connection.

4. Communication is Poor

People lie. Instead of being direct in what they’re looking for, people these days like to create false ideals by diverging from the truth. Then, once emotions get involved or it becomes more than they bargained for, the other person is forced to repair a heart that was never meant to be broken or toyed with. Being left on read or ghosted, can leave so many questions unanswered and causes unnecessary tension that can easily be avoided with a simple conversation.

5. Solitude over Companionship

There’s solace in being alone. No need to settle or accommodate the needs of others. I for one am definitely happier by myself than I am in a relationship, so why would I give that up for someone who won’t satisfy me as much as I do myself? We’re unwilling to compromise on the fulfilling lives we’ve created for ourselves and reluctant to let others occupy our time and space. We’re no longer willing to put in the work needed to build long-lasting relationships.

6. Chivalry is Dead

Has someone ever asked you out and then followed it up by asking you what you’d like to do? Not because they’re curious about your interests, but because they just haven’t dedicated the time to planning anything. Maybe you’ve slept with someone who didn’t take the time to please you or ensure that you were satisfied (please never sleep with them again). Folks today treat dating like a drive-thru, they get what you want and keep it moving– minimal effort required. There’s no more romance, attentiveness, or little gestures that make you feel special. The fundamentals of dating have been long lost, and I don’t know if us millennials will ever recover.

6 Reason Why Dating Today Sucks