The 5 Self-Love Languages

The best pieces of advice I’ll ever give you are 1. Never trust anyone that doesn’t brush their tongue and 2. Always remember to use the 5 love languages on yourself. In relationships, we tend to do whatever we can to please our partner(s) and end up neglecting our own needs in the process. When was the last time you were truly pleased with yourself? When was the last time you looked in the mirror and thought, “Damn, I really am (insert empowering pet name here – my personal favourite is Bad Bitch)? 

Here’s how you can infuse the 5 Love Languages into your self-care routine (in order of importance to me based on the quiz): 

1. Physical Touch

In the words of Busta Rhymes, Touch it (bringitpayitwatchitturnitleaveitstopformatit). What is “it”, you ask? Your body and your genitals! Flicking the bean, wanking, tossing yourself, circling jerking, wait that’s not…well you get the point. Masturbation is great for boosting self-esteem, reducing stress, augmenting the knowledge you have of your own body and increases sexual response. For a lot of people, myself included, this is the most impactful way to show affection, so who better than you can ensure that you feel loved in this department. 

2. Quality Time

We’ll dedicate our undivided attention to scrolling through social media, indulging in the latest celebrity gossip or online shopping, but what about alone time? While going to the gym can be therapeutic, you aren’t really alone. Consider setting a nice warm bath for yourself equipped with candles, Epson salts, bubbles and a really good book or podcast. Go to that movie you’ve been dying to see all by yourself, what about a fancy dinner for one or take yourself to a concert. 

Journaling while listening to R&B music with mood lighting alone in my room is a personal favourite!

3. Words of Affirmation

Think about how many self-deprecating things you say daily. Your friend takes a photo that you think you don’t look good in, “Ew. I took terrible. Delete it!”. You make a silly error when performing a mundane task or you forget someone small, “Wow. I’m so dumb.”. We’re so cautious about how we speak to others, we’re careful because we care, and we don’t want feelings to be hurt. Why doesn’t that translate over when speaking about ourselves? One of my favourite writers and poet, Alexandra Elle, posts notes, promises and affirmation prompts to self on her Instagram regularly. I compiled a list of my favourites and copied them into reminders on my phone, so every day at 10 AM, I get a validating message to start my day. I have also created a list of my own, sending love from me to me. Give it a try and see how your perception of self, changes. 

4. Gifts

Typically, when we discuss guilty pleasures, the common response is something food-related. I don’t believe in this concept because we should never feel guilty for indulging in something that satisfies us. Gift yourself with that chocolate bar, buy that decadent piece of cake, you deserve it. There’s this idea that if someone has gifts as numero uno on their love language list, they’re superficial, but it goes beyond the presence of a present. It’s about thoughtfulness, understanding and action. That thing you keep putting in your online shopping cart, buy it and then act surprised when it arrives (I know I’m not the only one that forgets what they’ve ordered sometimes). Buy yourself flowers regularly, do a bunch of DIY projects and make the old brand new, or mail yourself a postcard from a different place - not all gifts need to be expensive, it’s the thought that counts. Self-love is truly the gift that keeps on giving. 

5. Acts of Service

You have no idea how something as simple as making your bed in the morning can ease the stress of everyday life. When you think about it, we are routinely performing acts of service, we just aren’t classifying it as such. Decluttering and donating old clothes, cleaning the bathroom and tackling that ever-growing pile of laundry in the corner are prime examples. Even restaurants are feeding into acts of service – every time you don’t feel like cooking and decide to order in, you’re living into this language too. This is the “get shit done” type of love that we all need sometimes because even though they may seem mundane, these simple tasks provide mental clarity and bliss. 

What ways do you express these self-love languages?